Make Way - For Grace

Honing in on what we are thinking, feeling and doing takes focus and intention. Understanding ourselves and having self compassion is our life’s work. Enter another person and the work is doubled. In relationships there are two very different sets of problems and two very different perspectives to factor in. It is our responsibility to know what we need and want and our intent, if we choose to love someone, to be patient and curious and to find out what they need and want too. It’s our assumptions and our bias that can leads us off course. It is impossible to know what to say, to know what’s really going on for another person and to know how best to respond unless they open up and kindly help us to understand. Grace is an attitude toward others.

We might love someone but we don’t necessarily like things about that person all of the time. And let’s face it, we are not all that likeable at times either. The pressures of life and the stress it creates can get us down and cause us to react unkindly. We are only human after all. But what do we do with this distress intolerance and how do we make way for grace in our lives?

We cannot live in a bubble of perfection and we cannot wait until everything is calm and peaceful or we feel that we are no longer owed something in return. We are not to be door mats but we don’t need to slam the screen door shut in their face either. Neither is ok for either of us.

We all get frustrated and upset with the pressures of this messy life. None of us are immune from suffering or stress. But when we know that our partner has got our back, that they give us the benefit of the doubt and actively try to see things from our perspective and respond accordingly, that’s grace in action.

Allowing for differences in a respectful and kind way and not bringing up the past can seem unfair. The reality is that it really is unfair. Yet grace, turns toward and not away from someone that we are committed to.

Helping our partners to become aware and understand that criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling can feel like the screen door has been slammed in our face or that we are door mats that they are leaving the grime with us isn’t ok either. Please seek help if needed.

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