Relationships come with attachments

We are wired to love and be loved but life gets in the way and sometimes it all feels too hard.

If only we could be more at ease and open with one another.

If only we were more consciously aware of our vulnerabilities and our defaults.

Some of us have experienced secure attachment and have a greater sense of self worth and safety. As secure adults we can generally, more often than not, offer support and comfort to our partners. We demonstrate understanding, empathy, compassion and know how to connect when they feel troubled.

Some adults feel more anxious and desire more attention. They seek closeness yet they tend to push their partners away and miss out on having what they desire. .

Some adults are more avoidant and distance themselves to avoid conflict. They lean towards independence yet they want to be in a relationship. The consequence is that they miss out on creating a closer relationship.

The most complex adults are fearful, anxious and avoidant. They have a flip-flop kind of connection repeating childhood dynamics yet hoping for a different outcome. This is chaotic and creates a pretty dissatisfying connection for both partners.

But the past doesn’t have to define the future. Identifying our attachment style and recognising our defensive mechanisms can help us to break our bad habits and create a more secure attachment. It is possible to learn to support and comfort our partners and to communicate when we feel troubled too. After all, intentionally expressing our love, in a more vulnerable and sacrificial way, can open us up to giving and gaining the intimate relationship most of us desire.

If you’re stuck?

Let’s talk!